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Accidental ExcursionsLife Of A Peripatetic Envoy
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20 novembre Jason AdamoHello world, meet Jason Adamo. We're not friends but I'm certainly a fan...I love this song. And as you all know, I love to share the things that I love. :)
It's been a while, I hope you are all well...where ever you may be. Kick back, relax, listen, enjoy and share in yet another treasure from the road.
31 décembre Just A Minute.....This wasn't written by and isn't about me. A friend sent this story my way and now, I'm just passing it on.....
Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living. When I arrived at 2:30 a.m., the building was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, and then drive away. But I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. So, unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door. This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself. 13 septembre Home Again
Here I am. Home. Yeah......home. For a while anyway.....it just sounds so good..... I wanted to kiss the ground the moment I stepped out of the airport until I had visions of fellow travelers whispering, "Did you see that crazy Asian chick with the gravel on her lips?". I don't think any of them would have bought the idea that it was the new Lip Glass at the MAC counter. I'm a persuasive person but convincing people Sephora is selling dirt and rocks in a tube for $45 is not in my repertoire. I didn't get to smooch with the sidewalk but...it's all good. I did get to shuffle my feet around on the same earth I've lived and laughed on since 1975. Smelled the same air, in the same town, in the same season I spent 13 first days of school in. Got to stand under the same piece of sky I grew up under. Filled up my five senses with "old friends" knowing I get to do it again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day. There aren't any pictures but if there were... I'm pretty sure..... Heaven would look just like this. Gonna go enjoy it now.......
10 septembre They WereTomorrow is 9/11. Most people will take some time to remember, reflect and mourn. But some will roll their eyes at the “9/11 Always Remember” posts here and pass them by. Almost annoyed that others would ask them to spend a small portion of their day thinking about what happened. But really, how long do we have to talk about these people and this tragedy year after year after year? For as long as we believe is enough. How much is enough for a human life? How much is enough for someone who loved and was loved? How much is enough for those with children & grandchildren who will never see their faces, hear their voices or feel their hands in theirs? How much is enough for an empty chair at the dinner table on every anniversary from that day forward? How much is enough for a friend whose name & number probably still remains in cell phone directories, but can never be used again? How much is enough for this small percentage of the population that faced an end so horrific that it no doubt, struck a fear in their hearts that almost noone else walking this earth today will ever have to feel? How much is enough? The question really shouldn’t be, “Why do we have to talk about it?” as much as it should be, “Why would we want to remain silent?” They were people. They were friends. They were family. They were lovers. They were Americans. They were just like you and me….. They were. Fly the flag, say a prayer, take a moment of silence…or don’t. We all have our own way of doing things but however you choose to do it, please just remember. oh yeah.....God bless the USA! 24 août When I Grow Up.....My long life as an itinerant is nearing its end. This is such an interesting time in my life...and in so many others lives around me right now. All of us rediscovering, reinventing or just reviewing ourselves and our lives. I feel for those who are having a difficult time coping with this acquisition and being displaced. I wish I could share with all of them, the theory behind my calm. I can only hope that everyone who is affected by these recent changes will understand someday (if they don't already) what we do to make a living is not necessarily what we do to make a life or how we should think of ourselves as human beings.
A long time ago, I met a dynamic man named Arnie Capitanelli who later became my boss and mentor. It was only about the third time we'd met that he asked me a question. He had this cocky grin on his face that I knew and loved so I knew he was half joking. But because I knew him to be one of the most profound men I've even known I could also tell, he was half serious. The question was this,
"So...what do you want to be when you grow up?"
Simple enough, right? Seemingly so, but the problem was...when he asked it it really bothered me. I had just come to a point in my life when I thought I had it all figured out, felt pretty accomplished and as though I'd handled most things in life to this point as best I could. But this question weighed on my mind for days...because I didn't know the answer. Actually, it went on for more than days. It was weeks...and it was killing me. I felt that I should know. I had been wracking my brain for the answer and just couldn't get it until one day it finally dawned on me. Looking back now, the reason seems almost ridiculous but back then it was the highest and most unknown hurdle in my life.
The reason it was so hard, was that I expected it to be a job title. I'd spent hours upon hours trying to fit a title, a vocation to myself and then ponder whether or not it felt right or was even reasonably attainable by me. After a moment of enlightenment where I realized how far off track I was in answering this question...the answer came all too easy. It was simply, this:
"I want to be someone who
made someone else's day better,
on purpose. Every day.
I want to be someone who lives in a way
that makes me certain when I stand at the gates of Heaven,
I will not feel ashamed to tell the things that I have done.
I want be someone who makes it a point
to let those around me know, they mattered.
I want to leave this earth a little better than I found it."
This is what I want to be when I grow up...
and this is as far from a job title as I can see.
"So...what do you want to be when you grow up?"
10 avril SomedayToday is April 10th, 2007 and I am 32 years old. Single, with no children...but I have just experienced something so incredible that I know I will want to remember this day. Because it will be important to my future family. This day and time will prove to be monumental to me...and them.
It's so, well...ineffable to me at this moment that I dare not even try to explain just yet. Because I don't completely understand the nature or impact of the thing I'm talking about. Maybe I'll elaborate, or maybe not. Maybe I'll even write about it someday. But not today. For now, I just wanted to document this moment. Just for me. And for the future.
That's all for now. 23 février The Lion SideSome of us may travel, some of us may not but all of us have things we enjoy coming back to time and time again. I was just sharing this story the other day. And since I don't think we can talk enough about the people who inspire us, I thought I'd come back and repost this entry :)
Not too long ago, someone asked me to participate in a survey about heroes. A few weeks earlier I had written to a friend about a favorite memory that seemed fitting for the survey. I've been thinking about it for a while now and have decided to share this hero.....
When I was little, I would be up regularly in the middle of the night crying my eyes out and holding a washrag to my face in the bathroom scared and alone. I used to have these ghastly nosebleeds aaaaaall the time that freaked everybody from the babysitter to my parents out...I actually had to have my nose cauterized eventually just to stop them. Of course as a young child...because they were so bad
I often thought I might be sick and dying.
My brother, Lonnie would usually hear me, wake up and call me into his room so he could calm me down. He had this favorite pillowcase our grandmother had either made or given him. It had a cartoon lion on one side and an elephant on the other. Somehow we were both convinced...or I think he just convinced me that the "lion side" was softer than the "elephant side". He would give me his pillow and turn it over so the lion side was up and tell me that I'd feel better if I used it because it was so much softer and better than any other pillow in the whole wide world.
I remember looking up at him through half dried tears
asking, "Are you sure?"
I was afraid I might get blood on and ruin this magical pillowcase but he'd only tell me not to worry and insist that I lay my head down on it and go to sleep. So I'd wedge myself between his bed and the wall with his pillow and sniffle myself to sleep on his pillowcase night after night thinking that if I was sick...
I couldn't die...because he'd come to save me.
To this day I have no idea how much that pillowcase really meant to him but no matter how much he might have loved it...I knew he loved me more. From then to now in every way, I know that if a selfless and loving man ever existed...
it is and was...my brother.
What a blessing it is to know heroes who will share their strength
and teach us to be brave. By showing us a side that makes
some things better than anything else in the whole wide world.
Heroes who will help us to find and believe in...
The Lion Side.
Thanks bro!
21 février I RememberDid I forget Valentine's day? Maybe;) Here's a repost for a belated celebration of love. When I wrote it last year, it was about a number of things and people. This year, it just makes me think of home and the people I'll be missing as I prepare to take flight again and return to the road that takes me away from all of it.
More changes...and lessons in wanting to "be still"..... I've spent a lot of time not being able or trying to avoid becoming too attached to any one person because of my wandering ways and desire to live without anchors. I love to love people but being in love is a different story for me...at least it used to be. Recently, I have shared enough to fill a book and learned great lessons from a new friend. A friend who is just a friend yet has burned an impression into my life that will never leave me. A friend who may not be the love of a lifetime…but has certainly brought me back to the days of looking forward to a lifetime of love.
I have seen the beauty in his desires and because of that… I remember.
I remember...wanting the thought of standing still to explore one person, to be more alluring than exploring any other thing or place in the world.
I remember...what it’s like to know emotions so strong they defy all logic.
I remember...what it’s like to expect nothing and be pleasantly surprised by everything.
I remember...what it’s like to have someone weaving in and out of almost every thought and be thankful for their presence in my mind. I remember...what it’s like to wish that I could hug somebody’s nightmares and bad days away. I remember...what it’s like to hold a “Thinking of you” card in my hands and smile because I know exactly who I’d send it to. I remember...what it’s like to see a “Wish you were here” card and smile again. I remember...what it's like to dream about sleeping next to someone who isn't there. I remember...what it’s like to be excited about something just because it’s exciting to someone else. I remember...what it’s like to feel so safe with someone that I would confide anything in them knowing they’d understand. I remember...what it’s like to spend hours just thinking of ways to make somebody smile. I remember...what it’s like to run my fingers over something just to feel closer to the last person to have held it in their hands. I remember...what it’s like to feel a connectedness so uncanny it gives me chills. I remember...what it's like to wonder if it's possible to think about someone more than I already do. I remember...what it’s like to dream about someone else’s dreams coming true. I remember...how wonderful it can be to rush home with anticipation just to hear about someone else’s day and tell them about mine. I remember...being happy to have someone to wish sweet dreams to every night. I remember...what it’s like to truly miss someone. I remember...what it's like to desiderate :P I remember...what it’s like to leave smiling...at the thought of being welcomed home. I remember...how if feels to be touched to tears by gestures so fantastic…no words need to be spoken. I remember...what it’s like to be surprised at how often I find myself wanting to thank someone for just being who they are. I remember...what it’s like to see forever with hope instead of fear. I remember...what it’s like to want love. I remember. Thank you “G” so very much for all of this, for your friendship, for being you and...for everything really. 9 février And So It Is.....In a previous entry I had alluded to some "news". So here it is, finally.
For one year I have stood still, rediscovered, lived, loved and cherished every moment of my return to the place I always have and always will, call home. I came back but now it's time to move forward again. And so it is.....
I'm moving to a town near Atlanta, in three weeks. I know new adventures are waiting for me again but this time, I don't want to go. I'm not quite ready to return to my lifetime of leaving. My heart and all that I desire right now is rooted in and radiates from four numbers. The numbers posted next to my front door. On my house, in my town. The same town that came to me in dreams from the road. A town that became more magnificent to me over 5 years from the outside in ways I never fully appreciated during the entire time I was growing up on the inside.
I've thought about this before and how I felt the day I came home. I compared it to the way I've felt during visits to places from a distant past like an old school from my childhood days or even visiting my parents in houses that I'd once lived in but had since moved away. There was always this strange feeling in noticing that everything seemed smaller than I'd remembered it. I sort of thought that's how I'd feel after being so many places and seeing so much more but I didn't.
From the moment of my return and every day after that, to me, this small town seemed to have magically grown somehow while I was away. It is bigger, better and brighter than I'd ever remembered. I've travelled a long road in learning how good it can feel to stay in one place. Now that I'm here, I'm leaving again and I'm torn.
It pains me to know that when I leave, I will never enter or turn the key in the front door beside a certain four numbers again. And I don't know how long or how much it will take for me to get used to the idea of knowing the next time I see home, it will be as a guest and not a resident. I wish I did but right now, I just don't know.
What I do know is, life is calling. I know it's greatest treasures aren't surrendered to the all knowing so much as they are discovered by the all doing. And I know the world is waiting but for once in my life, I'm not so anxious to oblige. For once, I wish it could wait just a little while longer..... 2 janvier After MidnightHappy New Year everybody! On December 31st 2006, minutes before the champagne started flowing and the noise makers were being poised on drunken, laughing lips...amongst the crowds and the music, I was off again in my own little world having a moment of reflection. Not that I chose to be, it sort of just crept up on me. Partly because I've always half dreaded the New Year's kiss tradition. No matter when I start a dating someone we never seem to be together to ring in the new year. Even when I was married, he always had to work that night. It's just a strange coincidence I guess.
So, as I stood there looking at the clock, I realized...
...another new year's midnight would come and go with me not having the one person I really wanted standing in front of me for that "twelve o'clock lip lock".
pretending not to notice...but you do.
My last 10 minutes of 2006 were spent with these thoughts. Two things were different though this year. One was knowing exactly who I wanted to see standing in front of me at the end of the countdown. He wasn't there but we were in each other's thoughts and I'll be seeing him soon so I'm thankful for that.
The other, I would find...just after midnight.
It was almost a surreal moment. All of these thoughts were swimming in my head and then, in a split second, I was jarred from my solitude and ejected back into the reality of the crowded room I was standing in. A room that had just been pounding with loud music, dancing and laughter....became still as we all paused to turn our faces up at the TV screen and all eyes were on the airing of the ball dropping and we began to chant in unison.
Five...four...THREE...TWO...ONE!!!!!!!!!
At midnight, the entire group I was with exchanged hugs and kisses...and we were ELATED!!! Much to my surprise, instead of feeling suspended in time while surrounded by a blur of kissing couples and wishing I was part of one, I looked around and nobody seemed to be missing anything...including me. Because we were part of something else. As I looked around the room, I noticed something.
Something about the people with and around us. Groups like ours seemed to be the majority over the kissing couples. Groups like ours being 30-something singles. It made me think of a book a friend of mine had told me about called "Urban Tribes". I haven't read it yet but apparently the premise is that now, more than ever there is a prevalent and growing sub-culture of people who find themselves single in a place and age where most of their friends are married and/or with children.
We see ourselves in one another
and because of that, we create a bond.
A bond that makes us one unit.
I'm not saying that I didn't have family nearby or that I've replaced them. But now, in the absence of a significant other many of us are not only the proud and thankful members of our ascribed families... we also subscribe to chosen ones.
BOOM! There it was...and I'm not talking about 2007.
It was my friends. The special people I had chosen and who had chosen me to share this moment. It was me knowing what they had become to me and I to them. A second family. And so...I entered this year much differently than any other. After midnight...I knew.
No matter how you celebrate or who you celebrate with...
love is love. 24 décembre Take My SonJust yesterday I posted a "short and sweet" Christmas greeting. From the moment I pushed the "publish entry" button, I felt that the message was lacking. I couldn't quite find the words to express the sentiments I wanted to share. Later, as I thought about it I realized it was probably because the greatest Christmas blog I'd ever seen was written last year. After reading it, it left me with the feeling that there was nothing more that could or would ever need to be said than what was in this message.
So, I wrote this magnificent blogger with a request to send me what he had written a year ago...and he was kind enough to oblige. His blog no longer exists here but if you'd been fortunate enough to have encountered his writings while he was still blogging...you'd surely remember it. It was the ever enlightening and sorely missed blog of the wise and wonderful Chris DeLorenzo. Everything he had to say was impactful but I believe the following entry was my very favorite of all time.
To Chris - Thank you so very much for taking the time to send this and letting me share your message again. To the rest of the world - Enjoy. Merry Christmas to everyone!
"Take my Son"
When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son. About a month later, just before Christmas, there was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands. He said, "Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art." The young man held out this package. "I know this isn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this. The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture. "Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift." The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected. The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection. On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. "We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?" There was silence. Then a voice in the back of the room shouted, "We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one." But the auctioneer persisted. "Will somebody bid for this painting. Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?" Another voice angrily. "We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Goghs, the Rembrandts. Get on with the real bids!" But still the auctioneer continued.
"The son! The son! Who'll take the son?"
Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son. "I'll give $10 for the painting." Being a poor man, it was all he could afford. "We have $10, who will bid $20?" "Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters." "$10 is the bid, won't someone bid $20?" The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son. They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections. The auctioneer pounded the gavel. "Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!" A man sitting on the second row shouted, "Now let's get on with the collection!" The auctioneer laid down his gavel. "I'm sorry, the auction is over." "What about the paintings?" "I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings. The man who took the son gets everything!" God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on the cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is: "The son, the son, who'll take the son?" Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything. WHO SO EVER BELIEVETH, SHALL HAVE ETERNAL LIFE...THAT'S LOVE 23 décembre The Greatest GiftThis one's short and sweet folks:)
Merry Christmas everyone!!!
I wish you all a safe and fulfilling holiday.
And somewhere from beneath the wrapping and bows,
I hope you all get a chance to take a moment to celebrate Jesus Christ...
the greatest gift to have ever been given or received.
God Bless 7 décembre Tag HagAhhh...almost a month with no entries. But what's this? A sudden blog! Will it be thought provoking? Sentimental? Mind blowing? Oh no no my dears...it's a tagging!!! Months ago I was giddy with excitement at becoming "a real blogger" when "tagged" by Weeks:) Today is no different...giddy with a capital "hehehe"!!!!!! Tagged again by no other than Mr. Strollerguy:) And so I have crawled out of my semi-retirement from blogging. As always though, I'd like to change the rules a bit. Instead of tagging 6 people I thought it would be wonderful to pull the same prank here as with my surveys in the past. Wouldn't it be nice to revisit our past behaviors and post 6 weird things about yourself in the comments here for all to see and share? Don't forget to post them on your own page too and pick on 6 of YOUR friends!!! Ready? Here we go again:)
The first player of this game starts with "6 weird things/habits about myself" and people who get tagged need to write a blog about their "6 weird things/habits" as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their comments and tell them to read yours.
I'll be back before the month is over. I have neeeewwwwws!!! I am forbidden to release the info right now but when I can, believe me I will!!! Love to all of you, as always 9 novembre All For The FallThis was last year's entry, written just days after returning and one year later...I still feel the same. It's good to be home. I don't miss missing any of this...not one bit. I have lived and I have loved for 365 days now, in my own home town and still thank God for it everyday. Much love to all who make this home...home to me.
Daylight-saving time… Did everyone remember to "fall back"?
I sure did. I fell back into a time when "places to go…people to see" was a funny exit line and not a way of life. I fell back into the habit of calling my days..."my days". I fell back in love...with how I spend my days. No arrivals or departures to speak of. Except for visitors at my door.
I fell back into my own chair and stayed there. Listened to a local radio station. No headphones or In Flight magazine involved. Lit my own candle and drank coffee from my own mug. Ordered pizza...just to hear the sound of my own doorbell. I usually enjoy moving forward. But this time around... I, for one... was more than ready...
For The Fall.
20 octobre Four PlacesVery tired...did a survey. Part of it gave me a bit of an "Anything For Two" flashback. So here it is:
Where would YOU rather be?
4 octobre I have lived.....First of all, thank you so very much to all of you who have accepted my friends invitations and left such wonderful comments. It has not gone unnoticed . I haven't been able to communicate as often or as quickly as I'd like with work, travel, lots of extra volunteer work lately and a dial up connection at home that takes approximately 15 minutes to leave just one comment...it's taken some time. I'm determined to revisit each and every one of you though so thanks again for your kind words through the times when I am present and even in my absence.
Close your eyes and go back.
Before the Internet or PC or the MAC.
Before semi-automatics and crack.
Before Playstation, SEGA, Super Nintendo, even before Atari.
Before cell phones, CD's, DVD's, voicemail and e-mail. ...way back.... ....way.....way.....way back..... I'm talkin' bout hide and seek at dusk
Red light, Green light Red Rover....Red Rover..... Playing kickball & dodgeball until the first...no...second...no...third streetlight came on... Ring around the Rosie London Bridge Hot potato, Hop Scotch, Jump rope
Duck....duck....GOOSE!!! YOU'RE IT!!
Parents stood on the front porch and yelled (or whistled) for you
to come home - no pagers or cell phones
Mother May I? Hula Hoops
Seeing shapes in the clouds
Endless summer days and hot summer nights (no A/C)
with the windows open
The sound of crickets
Running through the sprinkler
Happy Meals
Cereal boxes with that GREAT prize in the bottom
Cracker jacks with the same thing
Ice pops with 2 sticks you could break and share with a friend
...but wait.....there's more....
Watchin' Saturday Morning cartoons
Fat Albert, Road Runner, Smurfs, Picture Pages, G-Force & He-Man,
Schoolhouse Rock
Watchin' Sunday morning oldies (Abbott & Costello, Three Stooges)
Wonder Woman & Super Man Underoos
FONZIE.....AYYYYYYYY
Catchin' lightning bugs in a jar
Christmas morning
Your first day of school
Bedtime Prayers and Goodnight Kisses
Climbing trees
Swinging as high as you could to try and reach the sky
Getting an Ice Cream off the Good Humor Truck
A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers
Jumpin' down the steps
Jumpin' on the bed Pillow fights
Sleep-overs
A 13" black and white TV in your room meant you were RICH!
Runnin' till you were out of breath
Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt
Being tired from PLAYING
WORK: meant taking out the garbage or doing the dishes
Your first crush
Your first kiss (I mean the one that you kept
your mouth CLOSED and your eyes OPEN
Rainy days at school meant playing "Heads up 7UP"
or hangman" in the classroom, Remember that?
Oh, I'm not finished yet....
Kool-Aid was the drink of the summer
So was a swig from the hose
Giving your friends a ride on your handlebars
Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school
Class Field Trips with soggy sandwiches
When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there
When a quarter seemed like a fair allowance;
and another quarter a MIRACLE
When ANY parent could discipline ANY kid, or feed him, or use
him to carry groceries...And nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.
When your parents took you to McDonalds and you were COOL
When being sent to the principal's office was nothing
compared to the fate that awaited you at home.
Basically, we were in fear for our lives but it wasn't because
of drive by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat!
And some of us are still afraid of em!
Didn't that feel good?
Just to go back and say, "Yeah, I remember that!"
Well, let's keep going!!
Let's go back to the time when...
Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo"
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!" "Race issues" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "monopoly"
Catching fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening
It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.
Being old, referred to anyone over 20.
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.
Nobody was prettier than Mom
Scrapes and bruises were kissed by mom or grandma and made better
It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big
people" rides at the amusement park.
Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.
Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare"
Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
Water balloons were the ultimate, ultimate weapon.
Older siblings were your worst tormentors,
but also your fiercest protector
If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED!!!
Pass this on to anyone who may need a break
from their "grown up" life......
I TRIPLE DOG DARE YA!!!!!!
(I didn't write this but I love it all the same and wanted to share it with you. 29 août For "M"Not too long ago...I spent a great deal of time here. So much time in fact many of my friends and a few family members just had to ask, "So, what's with the blogging? I don't get it!" Some of those around me became borderline concerned with my near obsession with this place...myself included and I'm sure many of you can relate. Recently, my presence here has been quite spotty and I've received a few emails and comments to the tune of, "So, what's with the not blogging?"
In either circumstance...I couldn't really answer.
I've been thinking about it a lot lately though.
What brought me here today is something that's been on my mind for days. Someone I've gotten to know through here over the past year but have never met in person is not well. He will be leaving this earth much sooner than any of us would like and when I got the news...I sobbed for hours. Because I've been touched by his story. He will be missed. I can only thank God that this little thing called "the blog" brought him into my life.
People come here for many reasons...for laughter, for encouragement, for inspiration, for understanding, for enlightenment, for confession, for comfort, for anonymity, for discovery and anything else any of us can imagine. I had no idea what I'd find here when I started. Luckily, I found people like me, people like you and people like him.
I"m a better person for it...and so grateful.
I've spent a lot of time being moved in and out of the lives of many by my job, whether I've been brought to them...or they've been brought to me. Over the years, several people have and still do ask why or how I could love my job (or any job for that matter) as much as I do. I've had many reasons but specifically remember telling someone before that I was most thankful for being able to live my life as the recipient of a constant flow of humanity. The more I've thought about it...and my friend lately, the more I realized that no job really enables these things. People do...through willingness and awareness.
As we live and breathe, paths will cross, people will be encountered,
discovered and sometimes loved as a natural part of life itself.
My job may have made some situations more apparent because these brief but poignant passes were so many but no one needs to travel to accelerate, instigate or accentuate these opportunities. So to answer the first two questions: "What's with the blogging?" ...whether it's to read or to write...it is, quite simply the choice of many to share, know and be known in privacy...in these small spaces through our words. "What's with the not blogging?" ... the answer is the same but out in the open and in this world through our actions.
If you live it here, in the real world, or both...
it's all worth having, seeing, giving and doing.
And it's all beautiful.
For "M" -
Thank you for making yourself known
Thank you for knowing me
Thank you for reading
Thank you for writing
Thank you for sharing
and most of all... Thank you for being
14 août Small TalkHave you ever made a statement not knowing how much truth is behind it until it passes through your lips? It's almost as if certain truths do not exist until spoken...even though they most certainly exist in the depths of our mind. Occasionally, these truths find ways to swim up from the depths to the surface and poise themselves on the tips of our tongues to eventually spill out into the world in words. We've all had these rare moments when dormant thoughts are born into reality simply by uttering them.
They're called epiphanies...
Sometimes, we say things just to fill the empty spaces reserved for our responses in the natural back and forth of a dialogue merely to keep up our end of a conversation. We all do it and there's nothing wrong with that...it's small talk. The great thing about small talk is that it starts with the absence of an initial point. It's open to many or any topics that may come about through aimless banter...leaving the end result unknown and it's possibilities endless. Just a few days ago, I encountered a special moment while engaging in this under-appreciated art known as small talk.
Someone noticed how I haven't personalized the office I'd acquired when I came home this past October in any way and simply asked, "Why?" I began my response with a litany of random reasons but ended it in a way that took me a bit by surprise. In the conclusion of my excuses for not making my presence in this office at all detectable, I heard myself saying,
"Because I always think everything is temporary."
Immediately after hearing what I'd said...I laughed a little at the irony of the statement as a whole. But later, I couldn't stop thinking about how very true it was and how much it revealed about me...far beyond the four walls of my office. Until now, I think I took this presumptive mindset for being a product of my life. In that moment though, I realized how long I'd had it backwards in my mind. The reality of it was...my life is a product of this idea. It summarized something I've been wanting to change about myself for some time but never knew exactly what it was until I'd said it. This was my revelation...the truth being found in small pieces through small talk.
I believe everyone has a least one part of themselves or their lives
that makes them feel as though they are their own breed
or at the very least a member of an endangered species.
I personally feel that way about a vast majority of the things I feel, think or do but luckily for me...I'm okay with that most of the time. Of course, the most apparent ingredient of who I am would be my propensity for ever changing elements in my life...human or otherwise. I'd embraced that fact a long time ago but never realized until now that the consequence of that has been a temporary blindness to the value of permanence. It's been said before that we cannot change the things we do not understand...and now I understand.
This is the next leg in my journey..... of life's Accidental Excursions.
For all of you who've been here, as always, thanks for reading.
Then, now and into the glorious and uncertain future.
I've missed you.
22 juin Mom and The Mason JarsSometimes, even the tiniest little creatures can help to bring a bigger picture into focus.......
This past weekend, I took a trip to Indiana where I saw swarms of fireflies dancing over fields beside the country roads. It knocked me back in time by about two decades. I remember seeing them as a child...lighting up the summer nights in Michigan and I found myself thinking, "It seems like I haven't seen this in years." It was almost as if they'd all picked up and moved south at some point in time... some point that I couldn't remember.
Of course they really haven't moved away. I just haven't spent any time romping around in backyards with Mason jars lately, I suppose. But still I kept thinking, "Where have all the fireflies gone?" It seems like a strange segue but as I pondered that and thought about the fireflies and Mason jars it brought back memories of my mother.
I pictured her about twenty five years ago standing at the kitchen sink in the house I grew up in. Watching from the window, swishing old Mason jars through soapy water and placing them on fresh towels laid out on the counter. Next to the lids she'd be poking little holes in for me with an ice pick and Dad's old hammer.
Now, this vision I've just described...I've never actually witnessed but I do remember her being there...laughing and watching as I chased these little lightning bugs around, disappearing for a while and then returning with old Mason jars she'd undoubtedly prepared for me somehow. These glass cylinders provided by her to give me memories of running around on hot summer nights under dark blue skies. With a backyard full of God's little miracles rattling around in my excited little hands. It occurred to me how much this moment...was made by her. Working in the background to give me these pieces of childhood. Bit by bit...task by task.
When I thought about this and asked myself again, "Where have all the fireflies gone?" I realized the answer is...nowhere, really. They've just been tucked away with long lost memories and so many other things.
Waiting to be found again...
waiting to be seen...
waiting patiently...
just like mom.
Just like the way she created the exact moment I knew it was finally spring, every year growing up. Pulling out my favorite blue windbreaker with big white stars and taking the time to wrestle me into it. She'd zip it up to my chin and send me out to play. Sooner or later she'd start the laundry. As she silently went about her business inside...I was outside. Sitting there between the crisp chill of early spring in the sunshine among the perfumed clouds she was sending up to me, thinking, "Winter is gone."
This was always my grand introduction to sunny days and springtime. I still remember the smell of fabric softener floating up from the basement and steaming out through the dryer vent. I'd kneel down in the mulch beneath the bay window of our dining room, turning my tiny face up under the sun to giggle in the sweet scent as the warmth rolled out and filled my lungs.
It's funny how she never saw me under the bay window enjoying her "grand introduction" or how I never really saw her in the kitchen window with the Mason jars. Isn't that always the way though? Especially for moms I think. Always behind the scenes...preparing...doing...giving...so many times unseen. Seen or unseen, the memories she created for me are everlasting and quite present.
My gratitude to her for these things have been much like her efforts at times... unseen. I haven't gone out of my way often enough to show her how much I've come to realize how much she's done and how much I appreciate all that she does. I haven't taken the time to thank her for all of the time she's given me. I'm sorry for that but I'm here now to say,
"Thank you, Mom.
For your love, your work,
your time, your patience,
your sacrifices and your life.
Thank you, for all of this and so much more."
I love you, Mom.
( Thank you for the fireflies and the springtime.)
I can only hope to be half as amazing and good enough to create memories like this for my own children someday. 12 juin Simply SusieStrange how over the past year my life has been like living on opposite sides of some imaginary window. For years from one side and now from the other. It took some time but for a little while...I wasn't sure which side I belonged on.
At the onset of my travels I would be greeted by friends and family with a comforting, "Welcome home." and a surprised, "Back again?" by hotel clerks, rental car shuttle bus drivers and airport employees. I can't recall exactly when but through time the roles reversed.
Eventually, I began to hear, "Back again?" with surprise in the voices of loved ones and, "Welcome home, Ms. Jones." from the strangers. I'd come to appreciate these people in places far from home who went out of their way time and time again to convey some level of warmth and familiarity over the years. It meant a lot to me, knowing they all knew how far and how often I was displaced.
However...hearing, "Welcome home." is never quite the same as being home when a certain level of formality can be detected in every voice. And nothing could magnify the distance between my footsteps and my front door more than hearing , "Ms. Jones." in the conclusion of every greeting. But this was life as I knew it.
I've been home for about 8 months now. Last night I went out and something really hit home for me. Throughout the night...I heard people calling out my name. Not just my name but my first name...Susie. Not one person referred to me as, "Ms. Jones" or rattled off the details of customer rewards programs. They simply called me, "Susie" and rambled on about anything but rewards programs, flight times or departure dates. It sounded so wonderful... glorious really. As I heard it loudly, informally, attached to smiles, hugs and laughter and all with familiar voices. Most of you I'm sure are used to this. I haven't been for years...and had no idea how much I missed it until last night. Because this was life as I remembered it.
Like I said earlier...for a while I wasn't sure where I belonged. On the road, living and loving the life of a gypsy long enough to miss home...or at home living the life of a small town girl just long enough to miss the road. I suppose I will always be a little of both. No one could ever live the life I've lived and completely work one or the other out of their system. As the months have passed though and this year at home comes to a close, I've found I prefer being "Susie" much more than being "Ms. Jones" and right now...This is life as I love it.
Also, I haven't really been around here lately...I know. Although it may seem silly, I've felt a little guilty about it at times. Some of you I've known for years. Some of you I've met just recently. The majority of you who visit here though, I've never met. Even still, you've been an integral part of my life. You've all been a comfort and an inspiration during my travels, my recent transition in lifestyle and my time settling in at home by simply reading, commenting or being here. In person or otherwise. I've been busy enjoying the people and the home that I love so much but if I don't make it to the keyboard, this blog or yours on a regular basis...please know that I do think about you and thank you from the bottom of my heart. All of you.
Informally yours,
Simply Susie
(happy to be...The Former Ms. Jones)
p.s. If I don't make it back again for a while...now you know why. In the meantime, please visit Adam Woodall and listen to my new favorite song "Coming Home Soon". Again, when you hear it...you'll know why. 21 mai Behind The GlowAs children, we spend most of our time behind the glow of our birthday candles wishing for things (toys, games...) to come into our possession. Later in life we begin to wish for other things like people or events (love interests, children, promotions...) to come our way. I know I've spent years wishing before blowing out the flame.
Yesterday was my birthday. I am now 32 years old and spent one brief moment poised behind the glow of yet another birthday candle realizing that I currently have nothing to wish for. I have completed another year on earth and will begin the next with people and things that light up my world and make it glow every day. No candles or ceremony required. Like I've said before...every day is my lucky day.
We could all spend our time making wishes from behind the glow, thinking of what it will bring us. Or we could use that time to be thankful for what we've already been given.
Thank you family...
for having me.
Thank you friends...
for finding me.
Thank you life...
for shaping me.
Thank you God...
for all of the above.
2 avril The Friend LineI've had many conversations with people about my belief that men and women can be friends without ever crossing "the friend line". More often than not, these conversations practically become arguments with others who disagree. Am I the only one who subscribes to this point of view?
I can only say that I've had many guy friends before that I've held hands with, napped with, put my arm around, etc. without ever feeling like anyone was getting the wrong idea or had anything more in mind. I've maintained friendships like this for years and years without any of us ever tripping over the friend line. Is that weird?
It never really occurred to me that some people who aren't used to that might think it is...until now. I'm not sure if I shoud be but I've been feeling kind of bad lately. Because I think I might have done something recently that seemed normal to me...but could have been misconstrued and maybe even made for and awkward moment. So, to clarify...
1. If you are a guy
2. If we are just friends
3. If we were hanging out this weekend
I soooooooo swear on my paper MSP bracelet...
I wasn't hitting on you.
Sign your friend is not hitting on you:
She becomes sleepy and uses you for a pillow during naptime.
If you're reading this and you know it's about you...I think you know better but I'm not positive. Hence the blog...which is much quicker than waiting until the next time we see each other. When we do...wink twice, burp once and hokey pokey three times to acknowledge you have read and understand this entry and accept any apologies that may be in order.
If you're reading this and you know it's not about you...what are your thoughts? Do I stand alone in my firm belief in "the friend line?"
Update: I saw my friend this weekend. Apparently, while I over-obsessed and wrote a blog about this...he never gave it a second thought. What a dollface he is! Can I get some medication for this "crazier than a jailhouse rat" syndrome I seem to have? 23 mars Heuristics In "Somebody"For my friends Dougie and Rachel!
People are always saying, "Love is hard." I never really understood that. Sure, in relationships there are occurrences, dynamics, disagreements and many other things at times that may make a day seem longer. None of those things though...are love.
They are surrounding factors...they are life.
Actually, love is not the thing that is difficult. It isn't always an effortless voyage but if you get it right, love is the thing that can cure the aches and pains of the day...and anything else that ails you.
The key is knowing the real test is
in the heuristics...not the conclusion. For my friends Doug and Rachel, it's what makes coming home worth the long day because in the end you lie down next to your purpose for working towards a better future. For my grandparents, it made one hand to hold from a hospital bed better than any medicine a doctor could prescribe for a dying wife. It's many different things to different people. I personally don't feel it's a necessity for everyone or the sole route to happiness but if you stumble upon it you should appreciate it.
We've all been through trials and errors but
love itself is not the root cause of adversity...
if you get it right.
I've posted Doug and Rachel's wedding photo here because there are many things they might not have but they've got this...they got it right.
Boy, did they ever....
Congratulations! I love you guys!!! I'm so glad you've found your "Somebody"
I'm also posting the song and lyrics to "Somebody" by Depeche Mode. I've loved it since the day it found me...which is a story in itself... But anyway, Marc had commented it wasn't as well known as I'd assumed. If you have been, are in or happen to be someone looking forward to being in love and haven't heard this song...you should. It pretty much says it all...
(Depeche Mode)
I want somebody to share 7 mars Starving & senile at the tender age of 31....Being on the road is not something I long for on a regular basis anymore but it sure had it's perks. I'm feeling a bit like what good ol' Keb' Mo' calls a "Victim Of Comfort" lately. Good fortune seems to have allowed me to hold back on improving some necessary skills. I'm so used to being taken care of...it's left me with some areas for improvement that I haven't had to work on until now...
For years, while on the road...every morning, someone gave me a wake up call, made my breakfast, brought me the paper and even made my coffee! Every day, someone cooked my food, waited on me and cleaned up afterward. Every night I'd return to find someone had made my bed, cleaned my room, did my dishes...heck they even cleaned, pressed and delivered my laundry when I needed.
So now that I'm home...I'm left to fend for myself.
To give you a clear picture of how bad my situation is...there was one point I remember being famished and alone with no money. I was faced with the dark realization that I might actually have to eat my own cooking. Pretty creepy thought...let me tell ya! Lucky for me I was craving nothing but boiled eggs. Simple enough, right? Well, not for me. I found myself on the receiving end of laughter and ridicule after calling a friend to ask, "So...how do you boil an egg?... How much water?... Do you boil the water first?...For how long?"
Then there was the whole "tried to cook cottage cheese in a frying pan" fiasco...let's not talk about that...
Today, I find myself back in that same boat armed with nothing but a toaster and a microwave...and I still can't get it right!
I'm not sure...but I think I'm losing my mind. Is 31 too young to show signs of senility?
Somebody help me pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaase!!!!!
Princess Needameal, 2006 Wilt Away Lane, Starvingin Michigan 12345
Update on England: I'm still awaiting my passport! It's looking like my trip will be delayed until May or so. Maybe they'll feed me when I get there... 25 février Mother Of All Surveys: Part VWell that was quick... Fortunately for me, I have a hard time being solemn for very long. I don't need any more time to ponder my last entry but I did promise a survey, sooo...here it is folks! The last installment of:
The Mother Of All Surveys: Part V
Once again...have fun leaving your answers in the comments
for all to see.
What time is it now? 5:36 pm
Hometown: Bay City, MI
Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest: Benny -Sweden/England. Currently commuting back and forth for work (and I thought my commutes were rough)!
Been toilet papering? Never. I'm an angel I tell you...an angel!
Been toilet papered? Yes. For some reason the fact that it was my brother's high school friends playing a prank on him...didn't stop me from being part of the clean up.
How many times have you been in love? Just once.
Sesame Street Character? Snuffalupagus (is there a Sesame Street dictionary somewhere to find out if this is even the correct spelling?)
When was your last hospital visit? January 2003...I think. Still never figured out what the problem was but I figure if my mystery ailments haven't killed me yet...they can't be too serious now can they? Needles and tests...creepy. Ignorance...bliss.
Which single store would you choose to max out your credit card? Tiffany's. I'm like a raccoon... shiny things mesmerize me! (Hey...I told you I was a princess.)
One childhood celebrity crush: Rick Springfield. Hey! What girl growing up in the 80's could resist a man with feathered hair and tight pants?
One current celebrity crush: Ty Pennington!!!!!! A hokey metrosexual with a heart of gold who knows how to use power tools...everything I desire in a man all rolled up into one... *swoon*
How much do you love your job? Scale of 1 to 10? 9.99999999 (gotta leave some room for improvement)
What time is it now? 5:56 pm I hope this little survey project has gotten at least a few of you to introduce yourselves to others and you've all learned a little more about your fellow bloggers! Thanks for playing along. I hope you had fun:)
The End!
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